How do you think?

Henry(**) looked harassed, a frown marching across his forehead, eyes focussing on something distant and perhaps distressing.

‘Draw an image of what’s in your head’ I suggested.

Using  coloured pens, breathing quietly, he began drawing some images.  I remained silent, giving him the space and privacy to bring out what was inside his head.

When he finished, he looked at me, looked at the drawing, back to me again.  This time his face was more relaxed, forehead cleared, a smile whispering on his lips.

Without any prompting, he began to describe the drawing and what it meant for him.   

“When we started our mindfulness coaching today, I felt overwhelmed with all the stuff going on in my head.  My head felt clogged up, jammed, noisy.  My sinuses were sore.  I said I couldn’t think straight.  We spoke for a few minutes about thinking and thoughts, then you asked me ‘how do you think?’ 

“That stumped me.  When you asked me draw an image, with some reluctance  I began to draw a motorway completely clogged with cars, trucks, buses.  The whole shebang – I could even hear the noise, smell the fuel.”

Asked how the image reflected how he thinks, he said: “My head was full of incomplete plans and projects; unmade decisions, concerns, worries.  Nothing is going anywhere.  Everything is stuck.  A lot of it doesn’t even directly concern me – it’s just come onto my motorway.”

At this point, he numbered each vehicle 1-23, and on a separate sheet of paper listed the number of each vehicle, relating it to a topic he’d been thinking about.

How did it help him, to draw this image and additional numbers and list? “I can see that I can step back, be distant from my thoughts.  They are not me.  I can see the  thoughts and topics sitting there on the list on the table.  Putting them onto a list separates them from me.  It makes them smaller, much more manageable.

What does that do for you? “It helps me to not identify with the thoughts.  They are not me.  Some of them are my direct concern, and I will make a plan to take care of them.  The ones that don’t directly concern me, I will just let go.  The thoughts are not me.  They are just like cars, driving by safely on a clear road.

These thoughts were consuming me, clogging me up, giving me a massive headache.  Doing this helps me to step away from them, until I could see the edges of them.  Put them to size.  I am not my thoughts.  I can choose to be a silent witness who chooses to take action on them.”

How did he feel now?  “I can breathe again.  Deeply and fully.  The tension in my head and neck have disappeared”.

Would he draw a different image now?  Absolutely.  With a big, beaming smile he created a simple line drawing of a country road, going through fields towards the mountains, sun shining, a few cars, one bus, a cyclist and some pedestrians, and even a few sheep,  going along safely and steadily.

How do You think?

We think all the time.  Thoughts come and go, like wisps of cloud.  They are not us.  We sometimes choose to over-identify with them, which leads to distorted thinking, resulting in warped beliefs.

I invite you to take time to think about how you think.  Does how you think allow you to be the best you can be?  How could mindfulness coaching help you?

(**) Please note = Henry is not his real name, and this is a shortened version of the session!

I’d really love to receive your feedback.  Email me: trudy@trudyarthurs.com.  Facebook: Trudy Arthurs, the Confidence Specialist.   With love ‘til next time.

© Trudy Arthurs July 2014