Welcome to Day 1 of my 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Awareness

I’m challenging myself to do 30 posts in 30 days. Why? Partly in a spirit of sharing my experience of allowing myself to develop self-compassion, and feeling there may also something here of interest to you; and partly because I love writing!

My intention is to light the light of self-compassion – one person at a time…….

For these first few days we are going to explore and raise awareness of what self-compassion can mean.  As in any journey, we need to know where we are starting from in order to be able to confidently and consciously move forward. Some pointers: –  You may wish to start using a nicely bound, high-quality paper notebook as an Awareness Journal.  Handbag or purse size is best – you can carry it around, make notes while you await your friend for coffee.  –  I’d love to receive your thoughts and comments – details of how to do that will be at the end of each post.

I’ll refer to Self-Compassion as S-C from time to time.  To save time. –  This is a longer email than normal.  I promise!

Okeedokee …. let’s Dance.

 

What’s your first reaction when you think of being ‘self-compassionate’?  “yea, I know I should be, but I just don’t have time”; or “well, that’s just pure selfishness”; or “I’ve started to give myself just five mins self-care each day, and can feel the difference already”?   Self-Compassion gets a really bad rap in today’s world of do-more/have-more/I-have-to-look-after-others-before-myself.  However, well-documented scientific research now shows that treating your Self with self-compassion increases your self-confidence, resilience and happiness and also contributes to a heartfelt life.   But first let’s clear up some myths:

  1. “Being self-compassionate is selfish”.  It’s the opposite, actually.  By allowing yourself to be fully aware of your needs and pay attention to them, you’ll have more energy and love to give to others.
  2. “It means you don’t take responsibility for your life and choices”.  Nope.  Being self-compassionate simply means you try and understand yourself from a place of self-acceptance and empathy.
  3. “This is all just gooey-wooey, cheesey,  stuff”.  Look at the well-documented scientific research out of major institutions like Harvard and University of Austin in Texas.  By tapping into the benefits of S-C, you will be happier, more resilient in challenging times, less stressed, more confident and less anxious, according to a 2015 analysis of 79 studies that found S-C is linked to better overall wellbeing.

As you treat yourself with the same level of kindness that you would treat others, your self-worth is enhanced.  Your mind understands that you are valuing yourself.  You are changing the neural pathways in your brain.  On our biofeedback loop, this impacts us at all levels: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Questions to Consider:    

^  How do you define ‘self-compassion’?    

^  How do YOU give yourself self-compassion? ^    

^  What kind of struggle, if any, do you have with yourself when you think of being kinder to you?

Four Simple Tips to start with:

Be Aware       The first step in addressing a problem is admitting it exists. In the case of S-C, that means noticing the times your inner dialogue sounds more like an enemy than a friend.

Realise you are (sometimes) already doing it      It’s important to know when you are already showing S-C.  When I ask audience members at my workshops if they were self-kind that day, some people raise their hands.  In fact, they all should do so as they are there at my workshops!   Keep a private journal, to log simple instances of when you’ve shown S-C. You can’t refute the evidence.

Permission to focus on You             While you may be concerned that taking care of you means neglecting loved ones, when you show yourself S-C, you have more emotional resources to give to others.

Here’s a challenge for you:   Try offering you more conscious self-compassion for the 30 days of these posts:, log your evidence, and observe the many differences.

Be Aware of your Self talk      When you find yourself snarled up in thoughts like “I really messed up; I got that really wrong; I’m so !*&^%* stupid;” take a breath.  Ask yourself if you would speak to a good friend in that way? Chances are you wouldn’t.  Simply change your tone – either verbally in your mind, or out loud.  Kirstin Neff PhD also suggests what can also be a powerful help is to write a letter to yourself from the viewpoint of an unconditional, non-judgemental and loving friend.  Yep – weird, but it works.

As a coach, I sometimes – gently – call clients out on their self-languaging, and it can come as a surprise to hear somebody reflect their own words to them.  Most people are highly self-critical, and the idea of S-C can seem really strange.  They would never speak to a friend in that tone of voice!   And acknowledging when you’ve practiced S-C shifts you into a S-C mindset and habit.

And Finally:  Actions to think about:

  • Read through these words again.  Observe how they resonate – or not – with you.
  • Reflect – preferably in writing – what you’ve observed about your somatic responses while reading.
  • Pick JUST ONE of the tips above, create a simple, easy action that you can start practicing, give yourself a gentle, nudgy challenge to use this practice at least one a day for seven days, and keep a log of what you notice.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this, and any of your questions.     Email me: trudy@trudyarthurs.com; alternatively visit me on Facebook:     Trudy Arthurs, the Compassionate Confidence Specialist.

Visit www.trudyarthurs.com to subscribe for my regularish free newsletter – you’ll receive a free Compassionate Confidence e-book when it’s published. Looking forward to connecting with you, really soon.

Toodles, for now.

With love, t