How are you getting on with having a tad more self-compassion for yourself?

One of my other fave knowings about SC is: you can stop beating yourself up.

You may ask what the heck I’m talking about?

I used to have a Greek Chorus of Beater-Uppers in my head ….. about anything and everything.

How I looked.

How I spoke to somebody who ‘ruded’ me.

How I drove.

How I sang (or not, as the case may be) Actually, that one still has a voice all of its own, forgive the pun!

And on, on, on, on…

I beat myself up for lots of normal doings and traits, while at the same time I idealised others into perfection.

As I got to intentionally develop SC, I realised I wasn’t so different from you. And her. And him. And them.

Okay, so maybe I’m not the best person with detail. Maybe I’m not the most focussed gal in the tent. But I am creative, emotionally intelligent, and dammit, I’m a good person.

I make mistakes, sometimes say the wrong thing, and I’m working on being a better human being.

I have strengths and weaknesses like you.

By accepting the previously perceived as unacceptable, that I am NOT perfect, by allowing myself to accept my imperfect self, I gradually turned down the volume on the Greek Chorus.

Erm …. Apart from the singing crew. That’ll take time.

Self-acceptance? It’s a gift of kindness. It’s a gift of freedom.

Simple self-compassion exercise for you:  time needed: 3-5 minutes

Scan across your life. Where do you do beat yourself up, at the cost of your happiness, confidence and self-acceptance.   When you identify them, list brief headings for each of them in your journal or a piece of paper. Keep going until you have about 10. They’re there somewhere, believe me.

When you’ve got your list, take a couple of gently deep breaths, put on your rational head, on a scale of 1 -5, with 5 being easiest, ask yourself: “which of these would be the easiest to begin to change”? Write the number beside it.

When you’ve chosen the ONE that you’re going to begin with, ask yourself:

Why do I want to change this?

Am I willing to begin to accept this?

What do I need to do or say to accept this?

What support, if any, do I need?

What will be the difference when I accept this, and what will happen if I don’t?

When am I going to start?

So now you’ve got a choice. Are you going to do it?


I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this, and any of your questions.     Email me: trudy@trudyarthurs.com; alternatively visit me on Facebook:     Trudy Arthurs, the Compassionate Confidence Specialist.

Visit www.trudyarthurs.com to subscribe for my regularish free E-Notes – you’ll receive a free Compassionate Confidence e-book when it’s published. Looking forward to connecting with you, really soon.

Bye for now.  t x

About Trudy:

I’m based in Northern Ireland, and with the help of the magic of technology, work with clients around the world. Local work has included executive coaching in the Police Service of Northern Ireland and several major local business in hospitality, manufacturing, retail and not-for-profit sectors.

I’ve walked and lived the path of recovery from alcohol addiction and a diagnosis of terminal cancer in 2000 – and am still here. It’s my learnings and experiences from these that are making me realise where my real joy lurks.

Having delivered two tester programmes over the past four months, I am now upping my game.  The dots and t’s are currently being added to a brand new series, open to women who want to be more profoundly compassionately confidence, to themselves and others – both personally and professionally.

To priority-register for details of my new compassion programmes, simply email trudy@trudyarthurs.com for info.


©Dancing Leopards 2016