What are You Feeling

How often do you check in with your feelings? Really check in, I mean. Not just casually say you’re stressed / worried / happy?

You’ll probably know at this stage I’m allowing myself time to do lots more self-exploration, as I step tentatively towards the dance of my 6^th decade. I’m doing this through meditation (15mins/day), reading, questioning, and writing, amongst other avenues. And this question about feelings has bubbled to the surface for me.

Feelings don’t always disappear, do they? We may not be consciously aware of them, but they are still present. Events that we encounter during the course of a day can cause differing levels of various feelings within us. Some simply flit away, but some take up residence in our bodies, unbeknownst to us. Some of them don’t even pay rent, but go on causing problems for years.

On first doing this exploration, and as part of my daily self-compassion practice, in answer to the question: ‘How do You Feel?’, I wrote “Anxious, concerned, worried, pressured; as if I should be at my desk already (and this was at 7.30am!); too many important things to do instead of this”; and then, finally, “happy John is home from hospital; loving that the cat is snoring on my lap; excited about plans for the new Group Compassion Programme in my business. “

Allowing myself to be consciously aware and accepting of the range of my feelings at that moment had an instant physical impact. My breathing eased, my posture relaxed. I felt at ease, supported.

I’m Fine. Really!

Feelings have a way of nipping at your edges, don’t they? How many times have you answered ‘I’m fine’ when, in reality, you were boiling in resentment about something? Despite our best efforts to not display our ‘negative’ feelings, they show up in how we speak, walk, look, behave, dress, eat. We may think we’re not showing our resentment, but in fact it’s leaking out like smoke.

It seems to be acceptable to allow our excitement, or supportive, feelings to be seen; but not the disempowering feelings. And this is understandable. What would the world be like if we all showed such feelings indiscriminately?

But what do we do with them instead? My past experience has been that when I ignored and pushed them down, not acknowledging them or the reasons for them, they simply boiled away under the surface. Then out of the blue, especially when I was feeling tired or unwell, they would appear like a rip tide and smash my feet from under me.

So what can I do about this? Be aware, not just of what has happened in the course of a day, but how I truly feel about it. And how I feel about my responses, my part in the interplay of the day, event or interaction. If there’s something I can do to alleviate the fear, create a plan of action. Take action.

Here’s how I’ve learned to nurture this powerful self-support tool:

Either at end of day or next morning, recall the day’s events;
Admit the feelings I felt – all of them – to myself; write it down;
Check in to what I want/need to do to change the source of the fear/anxiety;
Create a plan of action, take action.

By doing this, I’ve acknowledged my supportive and disempowering feelings, am aware of the causes, and don’t have to waste precious energy trying to avoid the latter. I’ve given myself a release valve. I can present an authentic me to the world. And it’s making a difference.

What do you feel about this?

I’d really love to receive your feedback. Email me: trudy@trudyarthurs.com. Facebook: Trudy Arthurs, the Compassionate Confidence Specialist.

Tel: 07810 511 600 – call to enquire about the Compassionate Confidence Programme (starting end November 2015).

Give yourself the gift of a no-strings-attached session. Simply visit https://letscheckthisoutsession.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php and choose the Let’s Check This Out option from the list available. With blessings ‘til time.