Our lives are constantly changing. In our own world – relationships, health, work, finances, plans. Externally we need only consider politics, world happenings, climate.   All these changes impact how we are, how we show up in our lives.  Sometimes this impact can cause a deep level of fear. Do we keep on being how we used to be in this new circumstance? Or do we show our changed self to others – what might they think?

One of my favourite author/poets, Mark Nepo, in today’s daily reading from his fabulous book ‘The Book of Awakening’ writes that “we each have a divine inner voice that opens us to the truth and a mediating social voice that is reluctant to show its truth to others”.

The famous child psychologist D.W. Winnicott called these aspects of personality our True and False Self. The True Self lets us know what is authentic and what has become inauthentic, while the False Self is a diplomat of distrust, enforcing a lifestyle of guardedness, secrecy and complaint.

What does this mean for us?

In our daily lives it means that every time we encounter a change in our reality, we need to choose whether to declare or hide what we know to be true. We either need to bring the way we have been living into line with the shift into our new reality, or we need to resist the change.

In daily ways, whether we live in our True or False Self depends on our willingness to stay real. Over time, staying true to ourselves becomes the work of keeping our actions in the world linked to the truth of our inner being, allowing our True Self to see the light of day.

Sometimes, through habit or fear, we continue to behave in our old ways, even though we know that the way of things has changed. Very often, I have found myself at this tough crossroads: having to admit that what had been essential is no longer essential, and then needing to summon the courage to make the act of living in alignment with my True Self again.

Old way or new way?

I know that every time I hear, see or feel the truth but insist on living the old way of being or thinking or relating, I am giving my life over to my False Self. This brings me on a divided life, in which I listen to the divine inner voice secretly at night, but deny it in the cold light of day.

This is the way to a slow loss of my aliveness, a reduction of my being me. A leakage of my vibrancy, energy and life-joy.

This moment of awareness of this split living, is also the chance for me to honour again what I know to be true. Because anyone, no matter how distressed, in a millisecond of awareness can let the divine within show itself out here in the world.

What can you do?

  • Sit quietly; bring to mind a time you felt that moment you realised that what you were doing was no longer authentic, but you kept doing it anyway.
  • If you can, take a few moments to consider gently what made you keep doing what you knew to be untrue to your True Self. What were you afraid would happen if you honoured the truth as you knew it?
  • If a similar circumstance were to happen tomorrow, how might you act, so as to honour your True Self?


Remember, it is safe to honour what your True Self knows.  Be gentle, take small steps, no matter how insignificant they may feel.

[With thanks to Mark Nepo for the inspiration for this article]

 I’d really love to receive your feedback. Email me: trudy@trudyarthurs.com. Facebook: Trudy Arthurs, the Confidence Specialist.    Tel: 07810 511 600 – call to arrange your free Coping with Change Clarity Session. With blessings ‘til next month.

Who am I? I’m known as The Compassionate Confidence Specialist.  An accredited professional executive coach and workshop facilitator, I’ve travelled the journey from alcohol addiction and a diagnosis of terminal cancer. These experiences, combined with my professional trainings  and extensive research into compassion, mindfulness and resilience, allow me to help you learn how to trust your self, listen to your HeartVoice, see through your Heart’s Eyes and live the life you’re here to live with Heartful Self-Confidence.

To find out if I can be of any support in your personal exploration quest, simply contact me to arrange your no-strings-attached Get Acquainted Session.  I’d love to hear from you:  Email: Trudy@trudyarthurs.com Tel:  +44 (0)7810 511 600




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