One of the core areas clients identify that they wish to work on in our coaching is to work out a strategy for reclaiming their self-trust and self-respect.   The loss of self-trust and self-respect can come about for several differing reasons, one of the most potent being how we give away our personal, or soul, power.

How do we do it?

Giving away our soul power can be circumstances such as:

  • Spending time with people who drain our energy, feeling we have no choice in the matter;
  • When we put the needs of others before our own, and then simmer in resentment;
  • Continually putting ourselves in situations that leave us unhappy, unfulfilled, anxious;
  • Allowing our work to take over our lives, and not looking after ourselves;
  • Blaming only others for situations where we also, in fact, had a major contribution;
  • Feeling like we need to apologise, explain or justify ourselves in every situation;

Can you relate to any of these?   I can hold my hand up on all of these and more, in my life story. For a large part of my life I lived according to my unconscious stories that others knew better than I did, that I had to get approval from others before doing something different, that other people’s knowledge and opinions was better and wiser than mine.

And that’s not to be judgemental or critical of myself – I was simply reacting in the only way I knew how, before I became aware of the concept of personal power.    Once I identified these triggers, I was able to begin to live more authentically and truer to myself,

Our Stories

Here’s the thing, and it can be tough to realise:  Every one of us has stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.  We create beliefs about how the world should or does work, and these beliefs keep us stuck, until we use our awareness to see these stories for what they are – stories!

We are responsible for our own choices, our own responses, our own actions.  When we accept that, when we realise that our personal power comes from our emotional, mental, spiritual and physical selves, we realise that we are the ones putting ourselves in these draining situations.  And since we are the ones responsible for creating the opportunity to give our personal power away, we can choose to not put ourselves in those situations.

To help identify your triggers, stories and new choices, take pen and paper and some private quiet time and space:

  • The Triggers: Close your eyes, take a couple of deep breaths, open your eyes write down two circumstances or situations that are common triggers for you;
  • Your Stories: What is the story you tell yourself about yourself for each of your chosen triggers;
  • What Happens:   Write down how your typically react when you’re triggered in this way;
  • Your Choice: For each old story, create a new, wiser one. Start writing your new story.


  • Put away pen and paper. Breathing slowly, allow yourself to visualise being in Your Choice – your new story. Really feel the differences you observe in how you are being in this new story. Observe the enhancements in your self-trust, self-esteem and self-care.
  • Having identified these two new Choices, take gentle, self-caring steps to bring them into reality.


Thank you for allowing me to be your coach in these blogs! With love and blessings – for you, those you love, and those you may not yet know.

I’d really love to receive your feedback.  Email me:  Facebook: Trudy Arthurs, the Confidence Specialist.   With blessings ‘til next month.

© Dancing Leopards Ltd 2015

Like to book a Feel Even Better Deep Energy Healing Session?  Email or call 07810 511 600

For details of available dates, have a look at the Feel Even Better page on the website.